Soul on Soul
by bookworm0509
Summary: SV; A heart that loves you at your worst & arms that hold you at your weakest. Sequel to Soul Awakening, S4 missing scenes series.
1. Where Demons Hide

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating: **PG-13  
**Summary:** Has she been oblivious? How do they navigate through darkness? Missing scenes post S4 ep.4

**AN:** My attempt at brand new materials after years of hiatus. I'm posting the first of S4 missing scene fics - hopefully my muse isn't too rusty. For now I will post them as standalones but might decide to put them together as a series.

If there are still readers out there, please review and let me know whether I should post more.

**Where Demons Hide**  
**[Post S4-04]**

He is sleeping now, thank goodness – maybe the engine sound of the jet is soothing. I actually hope it has more to do with me sitting by his side. He used to tell me I had a calming effect on him, and next to me was where he slept best.

When I heard Vaughn say he hasn't been sleeping much, that he was haunted by Lauren's ghost, I was concerned for him. More than concerned – I was indignant. Not at him, but the whole situation.

As he told Keira in that tavern his guilt about killing Lauren, I knew it was more than just an act to draw her in. And I realize I really haven't been there for him enough since we got back together. It is always about my pain, my feelings.

He has not stopped being my protector, both in the field and at home, even all through last year. Now that we are back with each other, he refuses to let me face any turmoil alone. He listened to me and cradled me when I told him about my father murdering my mother. He let me cry on his shoulder and stayed with me at night when I found out about the contract my mother put out on me. He helped me process my predicament when I had to figure out how to be around Nadia with my knowledge about our mother's demise.

I know he still struggles with Lauren's death. And he blames himself for marrying her and hurting me in the process. But I have not asked him to talk about his anger, his hurt and his conflicting feelings with me. The animosity I harboured stopped me from being his refuge in his storm.

I have said to him about needing to work on our relationship – but I left him to do all the work. Mostly. I'm opening up more and am trying to put the past behind us but if I were to be honest, I haven't been able to do that completely. I'm certainly not any less in love with him – so that is not the problem. I'm just too afraid to get hurt like I did last year.

But I should know relationships don't work that way – at least not for Vaughn and me. What I've always held most precious is the way we trust each other, over everyone else. I still trust him with my life, I just don't know if I can fully trust him with my heart.

I have decided after Belarus that logic be damned and we will no longer hide from our love. But I haven't loved enough to put him before my fears. I have been selfish – there's no two ways about it. And speaking of being selfish, part of what bothers me is the fact that Lauren keeps him up at night. I used to be secretly pleased when he told me he couldn't sleep at night when I was on operations. I liked that his world revolved around me. Not Lauren – it should never have been Lauren. The thought of him and Lauren together is still so repulsive it puts a knot in the pit of my stomach. But I will no longer allow Lauren to be the reason he doesn't sleep well.

I didn't think Vaughn had any reasons to feel guilty about killing Lauren since it was clearly self-defence. Then again, I never had to kill the person I was married to for nearly two years. So what I think really shouldn't matter. I need to stop being resentful if I love him as much as I know I do.

When we get home, I will not let Vaughn face his demons alone. If I'm in his life, as he is in mine – then I'm going to be in every part of it, even the ugliest part. He has seen all the ugly parts of my life since the beginning and he has never run from it. Quite the contrary in fact – the uglier things get, the tighter he holds on to me, fearing they will eat me alive if he doesn't. He needs to know I am not going to run from his dark places either. And I am not ever going to lose him to ghosts from our past.

I turn to gently caress his face and plant a soft kiss on his forehead, knowing it's not a minute too soon to start easing his pain. He murmurs "Syd" and I'm smitten to see the relief on his face. I'm still the one who can release him from Lauren's death grip and I'm proud. I reach for his hand and plan to hold on to it the rest of our journey as a symbol of my resolve…

"Did you get any sleep, Syd?" He says without his eyes open and instinctively rubs my hand he is holding with his other hand. He never gets enough of my touch.

"Some… I think we're almost landing. You slept okay? I'm not sure you heard me earlier – maybe you should spend the night when we get home."

He opens his eyes and smiles, "Yeah, I did – I'd love to." I'm touched that my simple gesture can make him so happy.

We arrive in LA just before dawn. The perk of flying across the Atlantic overnight is to not have to report to APO till the next day, which practically gives us a day off.

"What about some breakfast?" Vaughn suggests as we drive away from the airport.

"It's 4 in the morning, Vaughn. No restaurant is open."

He smiles charmingly, grabs my hand and kisses the back of it as we get on the freeway. He parks in front of a Ralphs in Westwood after about 15 minutes and pulls me into the store. We pick up a basketful of baked goods, juice and fruits and head back to the car.

Another 20 minutes of freeway and we are at the Santa Monica Pier.

"Vaughn…" I'm intrigued.

He gets a light jacket from his bag and drapes over my shoulders. "Let's have breakfast and watch the sun rise." He grabs the bag of food we just bought and wraps his arm around me, leading me toward a bench along the pier. Almost the exact same spot where he met me five years ago.

"Syd, I know we've seen some pretty horrific things the last couple days. We can use some nice scenery for a change."

"Best idea I've heard this week!" I lean in to kiss him in encouragement… We're both catching our breath when we break apart as we both need this closeness more than we think.

"Sydney, remember what I said five years ago about not letting your rage, your resentment and your disgust darken you? I'm still amazed how you managed all these years, to remain so kind, so caring and so pure. And I love you every day for how you think, how you work, who you're." He pauses to look straight at me.

"Vaughn, of course I remember, you have no idea how much of what you said had saved me."

"Syd, I have been in some pretty dark places this past year. If it seemed like I was keeping you away, it was because I was afraid to let my own rage, my own resentment and disgust darken what I have with you. I'm sorry, for not telling you what has been troubling me."

How did this happen? Our whole flight back, I thought I was the one going to apologize for being less than stellar in the girlfriend department. I don't deserve Michael Vaughn – no matter what he had done in the last three years.

"Vaughn, stop. You don't have to do this alone. I don't want you to. Whatever you're dealing with is not your burden only. We have each other – so we're going to do this together, okay?" I lift my hand to gently touch his cheek as I continue, "If it were me, would you let me face it by myself? I remember you promised, right at this spot, to be there for me when I'm at my absolute lowest, my most depressed – and you've kept your promise. Vaughn, I'm sorry if I let you down, if I wasn't there enough for you. I want to, I need to, do the same for you. It hurts me more to think that you can't talk to me about everything and anything. I'm always with you, I always will be, never question that. I can handle darkness, as long as you're with me."

"Syd…" He pulls me into a tight embrace and my tears start to flow, knowing we have never grown apart, only more entwined with each other despite everything that happened the past five years.

"The sun is coming up soon. Sydney, you have my word we will work things out. It won't always be darkness." He wipes my tears and kisses me with such passion that melts my core.

Like I said, I don't deserve Michael Vaughn. But I'm not complaining.

"I love you…" is all that I can muster as our lips linger.

"I know… me too. Hungry?"

We sit content in each other's company. When the sun finally comes up above the horizon, we have finished our food and are just soaking in the breath-taking surrounding with orange juice in our hands.

By the time we get back to my place, Nadia is just leaving for APO. We make plans to have dinner with her and Weiss after work. We spend the day running errands, enjoying the seemingly normal routines after several gruesome days on the job.

Dinner is a lot of fun – more so for Eric and Nadia. Vaughn and I keep trading looks, hoping we won't have to do damage control any time soon. Eric, for obvious reasons, wants to hang out longer and suggests we go try the new bakery for dessert and coffee. Vaughn and I are spent and just want to retreat to our cocoon.

"We've been up for over 16 hours since we landed. I think we're done." Vaughn searches my face for concurrence before turning down the invitation.

"We're gonna grab some sleep before heading back to work tomorrow. You guys have fun." I'm quite fine with them going out so Vaughn and I can be by ourselves at my place.

"Boohoo – don't expect us to bring you any éclairs. I think your sister just wants us out of the house." Eric fakes pout to Nadia.

Vaughn seems a bit tired when we settle in my bedroom, thanks to those insomniac nights. A little problem I have every intention to help fix – and I happen to have the best remedy. Taking advantage of Nadia being out, we enjoy a warm relaxing bath together and hours of tender love-making follow.

I stay content by his side as I watch his breathing even out and he falls into peaceful slumber next to me. Maybe it's my competitive nature – but it's nice to know I've won, over Lauren, over his demons. I'm still his calm and him mine…


	2. I Wish You Could

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** Something to do with a brown paper bag... Missing scenes post S4 ep.6

**AN: **A little fun piece I wrote. I wasn't satisfied with the ending of the episode - literally felt like it stopped mid air. After a rather significant ordeal on Sydney's part, it's hard to imagine either of them will settle for a 2 minute visit inside Medical...

**I Wish You Could…**

[Post S4-6]

Now that I'm no longer under the influence of hallucinogens, my first thought is to apologize for my baseless accusations when all that Vaughn did was to risk everything to hunt down the antidote.

He'd also risked the scorn of my father. When my headache got so excruciating I couldn't even sit up, he rubbed my back and my temples to offer some relief, no matter how minimal. Since my father has never been hands-on, he is rather limited when it comes to extending physical comfort. I'm quite certain he considers it a sign of weakness when a man appears tender and attentive. Despite the look of disdain my dad shot him, Vaughn wouldn't leave my side and left him with most of the transportation arrangement to Prague.

I was shifting in and out of consciousness after they gave me the antidote, but I could feel Vaughn's hands on me the whole time. He carried me on and off the van and the plane. He held me in silence, wiped my forehead when I broke out in cold sweat and whispered "Syd, hold on, you're gonna be okay." He only left Medical Services when they told him I would be sedated for a while for them to run all the tests.

I have no idea how long I've slept but I'm feeling much better. I eye him approach my room and am strangely nervous about seeing him.

"Hey"

"Hey" Vaughn seems a little tentative, almost like he's afraid to upset me - while I think I'm the one who needs to apologize.

"Vaughn, what I said to you... what I did..."

"Syd, you weren't yourself." He is quick to dismiss and he wouldn't let me take that burden.

"No." Though true, I also know he has been more than patient, respecting my wish to take things slow while I try to sort out my unresolved issues about the past three years. I owe it to him to stop being wishy-washy. But he's always gracious with me, since the beginning. He might be displeased, even angry at times, but he never took advantage of situations where I was clearly the one in the wrong to rub into my face. When my cool head prevailed after, and I realized how unfairly I had treated him, I often felt horrible seeing how much my impulsivity hurt him. I still wonder why he'd so willingly put up with me. Every time he does that, I know he has loved me unconditionally - and even though everything's changed, some things don't. And those are the things that will rebuild what we may have thought lost but has actually remained unharmed all along.

I push myself up to kiss him. For I now know the truth is louder than the fears inside my head. But why is there a spider on my bed? Am I still hallucinating all of this? I feel fine but I am suddenly alarmed.

Another thing that hasn't changed - Vaughn still knows exactly what I think, 100% of the time. He smiled and quietly got rid of the spider.

"My father liked spiders. He said they were good luck."

"I've never heard of that"

"No?" He pauses and I can sense he is holding back so much of what he wants to say to me. Instead, he just smiles and says, "Get some rest." He tucks me back in bed,  
"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay."

As soon as he walks out of my room, I wish I'd asked him to stay. Maybe this will give me time to think.

I grow restless after about an hour. It's after 10 at night and activities at APO are finally dying down, with just the night staff in the office and at Medical. I reach for my phone, knowing Vaughn wouldn't be asleep yet. I don't think bunking with Eric is the greatest arrangement as he seems to get much better rest whenever he stays over with me. At least I do. If I can't have him in my bed tonight, I want to at least hear his voice.

The phone didn't ring for long, "Hi, I couldn't sleep ... Is it okay if we talk for a while?"

"Syd, you know you can always talk to me... Are there more spiders bothering you?"

"No, but it's so cold and quiet in here. I want to go home."

"Once they clear you tomorrow, I'll take you home... Okay? Besides, Weiss isn't home yet, I think he might be at your place - don't think you need that headache tonight." He laughs.

"He almost stayed over couple nights ago when the hallucinations first started. You think we need to talk about this?"

"I think we do... but later... Just remind me to tell you about Sally Benson."

"I wish you could stay with me... tonight..." I say quietly.

"Yeah?"

"More than anything..." Might as well tell him the truth.

"You know I never want to deny any of your wishes..." And with that statement, I hear the glass door slide open and in come Michael Vaughn in t-shirt and sweatpants, holding a small brown bag. "Want to play sleepover?"

I'm not sure if my smile has been this wide for a long while but I grin shyly from ear to ear, "Vaughn, you can get in trouble for this."

"I took care of the nurse at the station... And I'm sure I can talk Marshall into handling any incriminating video." He walks over and sits on my bed. "You're not gonna care once you see what I have in this bag."

He reaches into the brown paper bag and produces my favorite coffee ice-cream and a spoon, with that irresistible smile of his plastered sweetly on his always handsome face - you can tell I'm swooned even before getting into my ice-cream.

"I handed the nurse a double fudge chocolate and she just mouthed to me she would be in the kitchen for a while." He says mischievously. "Besides, she knows I can do a much better job taking care of you..." He opens the lid and starts feeding me a spoonful of ice-cream. Nothing has tasted this good before.

Michael Vaughn has just rendered me speechless the last several minutes, as he continues to spoon ice-cream into my mouth and I completely indulge myself in the taste and the sight of my two best treats.

"I'm only concerned with the rate you go at this ice-cream... Didn't you just tell me you were cold?" He teases.

I pause from my frozen vice, grab the tub and the spoon from him as I return the favor and start sharing. "Now that you're here with me, I'll make good use of your extremely hot body." Ha - I think I just saw a faint blush on Vaughn's face ... His lips curl in amusement.

"So Vaughn, you weren't really planning to go home tonight?"

"I wasn't sure if you actually wanted company." He says poignantly. "But I wanted to surprise you with ice-cream anyway. So I figured I would go back to Eric's to change out of my work clothes, grab the ice-cream before the store closed and head back to APO to sneak you the treat. You saved me some embarrassment when you called." He leans in, kisses me and it's even sweeter than the heavenly ice-cream we just finished.

"Vaughn, I've never stopped wanting to, needing to be with you... I was just... afraid to..." I try to choose the right words.

"I understand, Syd. We need to talk... and we will, soon... just not tonight. I know your head still hurts a bit - so let me get you back to sleep and I promise we will talk about everything as soon as you're ready to." His eyes are pleading.

I nod, "Okay, sounds like a good plan. Can I snuggle with you now?"

He chuckles, tucks me in and lies protectively beside me with his arm around my shoulder. It's cozy in this hospital bed but I know I'm safe. Whether it's the effect of the antidote or the effect of a doting Vaughn, I'm starting to feel the lingering fear I harbor begin to dissipate.

"So tell me about Sally Benson..."

He sweeps a few strands of hair away from my face like he always does, "Ha, it's kind of a disaster. Sally was Weiss' most serious crush. When things ended, he locked himself in for months building ships in bottles... Yeah, I know – fact is stranger than fiction."

"That's not good - I hope Nadia isn't gonna break his heart... huh."

"Tell me about it. I don't want to be the naysayer but you think I should talk to him?"

"For his own good... yeah you should... Think I'm gonna talk to Nadia too... See what she's thinking..."

"Syd, don't get me wrong... Your sister is great... I think that maybe the problem..."

I feel my eyes getting heavy amidst Vaughn's soothing voice and warm embrace. As I drift slowly into sleep, I know it's time for us to have the overdue talk about everything that happened last year – I no longer have any will or desire to put up more defense against falling back into this amazing man, even if he is flawed and battered... We'll at least be well matched.


	3. Stronger - Part 1

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** Dealing with ghosts from the past... Missing scenes S4 ep.9

**AN: **This is an emotionally charged episode. While the show focused on the action, it left much of the back story to be explored - how the experience shaped the development of their relationship. It will be posted in parts.

**Stronger**

**[S4-09]**

**Part 1 - I Cringed ~ Sydney's POV**

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard my father ask Vaughn to let Sark see Lauren's body. Just like I didn't imagine he would make Vaughn maintain cover with her after she was confirmed as the mole, he did. I was beginning to think my dad actually enjoy torturing him emotionally. I did voice my objection this time – but to no avail. What was different about my position on this request was that Vaughn and I were very much back together. It had been a journey but we were opening up to each other, baring our hurts and pains so they could no longer stand in our way. We had agreed to deal with all the fallout from the last three years together and we had committed to being completely honest with our feelings. My natural instinct was to protect Vaughn and I would have smacked Sark upside his head for his twisted demand. I cringed at the kind of pain it would unnecessarily bring to him as I could feel it myself and was a little miffed when my father shut me out of the conversation. When Vaughn agreed to go along, I was apprehensive but decided I would support his decision anyway I could.

As much as I was skeptical about conceding to Sark, it was somewhat gratifying to see Vaughn's response. I had to believe he felt he could comply because he knew we would handle what came of it together. The time we spent recently rehashing everything had truly helped us move forward. We were both confident we would come out even stronger in our relationship now that we had worked through our past.

After my dad left us, I pulled him aside to check in – just to be sure. The last thing I needed was for the demands of our job to set us back again.

"Vaughn, are you sure about this?" I asked softly.

"Do I look forward to it? No." He sounded certain. "And Syd, I know why you're concerned – but if we can get Sark to give up the CRF, and to lead us to Anna, we need to do it."

"I'm sure we can find other ways to make him talk." I didn't want him to feel forced into Sark's play.

"Time is not on our side, Sydney. I can do this because I know you're with me."

"Ok, but promise you will talk to me afterwards, about everything… And remember I love you no matter what."

"I love you too, more than you know." He pulled me in for a tight embrace to assure me. "We'll talk as soon as I get back from the facility."

I reluctantly watched him walk towards where Sark was held before I headed back to the hospital to see Nadia.


	4. Stronger - Part 2

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** Dealing with ghosts from the past... Missing scenes S4 ep.9

**Stronger**

**[S4-09]**

**Part 2 - My Key ~ Vaughn's POV**

The cold hard truth of me killing Lauren, the woman I was married to, and the fact that she was pure evil – had been plaguing me for months. Add to it my guilt about betraying Sydney with my marriage, devastating her and our relationship along the way – was at times too much to manage.

I didn't want to be ungrateful about how things were turning out. Despite everything that happened, Sydney was still willing to be with me. So I kept quiet about my struggles, for fear of complicating the relationship we were trying to rebuild. The joy I experienced with her after being ripped apart for three years was often strong enough to mask any hurt or pain I had to deal with. But things got increasingly more difficult when I was on my own. I didn't plan on airing my dirty laundry during our mission to Montenegro but it felt freeing to do so when the opportunity presented itself. Perhaps I was looking for forgiveness – for my bad choices and their consequences.

Even though I was afraid to show Sydney my dark side, I also realized it wouldn't be wise to keep things from her. She was literally my salvation when she opened the door for us to heal each other. The night we spent talking about everything that happened the last three years was no small feat. It was extremely hurtful as I re-lived the despair of all those times I thought I had lost her forever – but it was also extremely helpful to know the depth of pain we felt was actually a measure of the depth of love we had for each other. We both agreed to embrace complete honesty instead of resentment and guilt. I had no doubt our past could only strengthen our future as I found myself even more in love with Sydney, if that was possible. What we rediscovered between us helped drive out our demons and we were able to be vulnerable with each other.

Sydney took the gesture of our renewed togetherness further by offering me her place and I couldn't hide my delight.

_"Vaughn, I don't want to take things slow any more. I never really wanted that – I was just too afraid. It scared me because I could feel myself needing you even more. I doubt I could ever recover if I were to lose you again."_

_"I think we'll do just fine – looks like neither of us can stand living without the other. Syd, I swear you'll have to kill me if you ever want to get rid of me." I was rewarded with a small smile and a light swat._

_"Whenever I think I know things, I really don't. I never thought I had a sister, but here she is. I thought I was beginning to understand my father, or even my mother – he had to go kill her because she hired some guy to kill me. I thought we would have a fresh start when we agreed to black-ops, I got Sloane in my face every day. I'm done playing it safe, Vaughn. We love each other and we want to be together – so why wouldn't we? I love coming home to you... unless you don't want to."_

_"You sure that's what you want?" Of course I would want to – but I needed to know she really was ready._

_"I'm sure… notice we keep finding excuses for you to stay?"_

_"Syd, I love it. Things we see on the job, what we deal with every day… they all go away when I hold you in my arms at night."_

_"We're settled then. I have a key made for you already…" She went and retrieved a shiny silver key from the dresser drawer. "We can put away the spare key you keep." She smiled at me sweetly as she handed me my brand new key. I couldn't help but pulled her down to what would now be our bed and kissed her unhurriedly…_

The insanity of our work made us crave our time together but lately we spent too much time apart on missions that took us to different corners of the world. APO went into frenzy when Anna Espinosa resurfaced and abducted Nadia. I never liked the idea of Sydney battling Anna ever since she told me about her – and I was even more uneasy now with her sister in the mix. The only time Syd and I spent together this week was during our flight to and from Brussels. I was content to simply hold her and quietly assure her we would get Nadia back.

Sydney was skeptical when Jack tasked me to go after Sark for intel on CRF. Having come to terms with our past had given me new strength, knowing those issues would no longer have bearing on my future with Sydney. I was surprisingly at ease with my assignment. Though I was frustrated that Sark led us on a wild goose chase in South Africa, I was more concerned about needing him to lead us to Anna, as I knew Sydney was out for blood after she shot Nadia in Estonia. I would really like to help her put Anna away to gain some closure. When Jack approached me about Sark's demands, I was disgusted but I wasn't about to lose the opportunity only to spare myself the discomfort. I was touched to see the loath on Sydney's face when she tried to argue with her father, as if it would be just as painful for her. She was the only person that could understand what was really at stake for me, for her, for us.

I agreed to Sark's terms, against every fibre of my being – largely because I could count on Sydney being there if my guilt would once again tear me to pieces. She did more than reassuring me when she pulled me aside before I left.

The CIA took care of Lauren's body after Palermo and informed me its undisclosed location – but I had never set foot in the facility. I did my best to compartmentalize despite all the memories and emotions that came flooding back. Sydney had helped me recognize that killing Lauren at the excavation site was as necessary as killing any other villains on the job. It was not vengeance or an emotional reaction in that instant. My rage with her, on the other hand, had more to do with needing to admit my shortcoming in allowing Lauren to use me. Once I was able to differentiate the two, I was more capable of dealing with my feelings. I maintained my composure with Sark and left no room for him to rescind the deal.

I called Sydney to let her know we were escorting Sark back to Jack for further questioning when she told me about Anna's attempt on Nadia at the hospital. I could sense we were both running out of steam after an intense week – and I desperately needed to see her, to be alone with her, even if it were just for a couple hours.

"Syd, you haven't been home since you got back from Estonia. Why don't I come find you when I get back to APO and let me take you home for a few hours. Your father will need some time to work on Sark anyway. Syd, I just want a few minutes with you."


	5. Stronger - Part 3

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** Dealing with ghosts from the past... Missing scenes S4 ep.9

**Stronger**

**[S4-09]**

**Part 3 - Twisted ~ Sydney's POV**

I hated the idea of letting Vaughn go along with Sark's demands. I was on pins and needles after he left and decided to go visit Nadia at the hospital as distraction. I was shocked Anna had the nerve to go after my sister there. Outraged by her attempt, we concluded it would be best to relocate Nadia to APO Medical. I was a bit deflated by our futile effort to apprehend Anna, but was relieved when I saw Vaughn's name on my phone.

"Hey, how did it go? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine – we're on our way back to APO. Sark will be taken straight to Jack." He sounded calm – I had to take it as good sign that the experience didn't do grave damage.

"I can't wait to see you..." Maybe I would wait to tell him all about Anna in person.

"What's going on, Syd?" Damn, am I such an open book?

"It's Anna… She tried to kill Nadia at the hospital. Sloane moved her before Anna could get to her. We transported her to APO – it'll be safer here. But Anna got away…" I sighed lightly.

"Syd, you haven't been home since you got back from Estonia. Why don't I come find you when I'm back at APO and let me take you home for a few hours. Your father will need some time with Sark anyway." He paused before continuing softly, "Syd, I just want a few minutes with you."

How could I say no to such heartfelt request? He put himself out there and I wasn't going to let him face the aftermath alone.

"Ok, we'll meet at APO and we'll go home together. I can certainly use a warm shower and a change of clothes."

I heard the commotion within the building when Sark arrived back at APO. I stayed an extra couple minutes with Nadia before asking Weiss to call should anything change. I then left Medical swiftly in search of Michael. I found him inside a secure interrogation room with my father and Sark. When he saw me, he hurried out the room and gathered me tightly in his arms.

"Syd…" He inhaled deeply into my hair and I could hear him let out a long sigh of relief.

"Hi…" was all that I could manage as I found myself caught up in emotion. Maybe it was the exhaustion from long travels, or the burden of seeing my sister critically injured, perhaps even the need to put Anna away. But mostly, standing in Vaughn's embrace again after days apart made me realize how much I relied on him for sanity. And the fact that I was no good at seeing him hurt in any way.

"Let's get you home." He held my hand and led me away from the office.

We were relatively quiet during our drive home, as I savoured the time and space we got to ourselves. The kissing was quite another story once we got inside the house – there was definitely a thirst to be quenched.

When we got into our bedroom to change out of our work clothes, he sat me down on our bed and started telling me about his outing with Sark.

"You know I've never been in there… The agency told me where they put her body after they cleared me – and that was it. So it was hard going there… I'm not gonna lie. I didn't know what to expect or how I would be. I think the anticipation was worse than what actually happened." He paused and I grabbed his hand to offer support.

"Having Sark there didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. His relationship with Lauren, strangely, was never an issue. It would make me happy to see him locked away – not because of Lauren, but because I don't trust him and I didn't appreciate his method. I basically let him have everything he asked for when we were in that room. He seemed upset – I don't know, maybe they did care for one another… I wasn't interested though." I listened silently but could feel my angst for what he put Vaughn through.

"I also realize I'm more at peace with what I had done. Sark figured out I was the one that shot her and even though I didn't need to, I admitted to him. At first I didn't want to look at her lying in that drawer – but when I did, I no longer felt that strong sense of guilt like I did couple months ago. I still wish Lauren never happened, but I could put all that behind now… because we had dealt with it together. Truth is, my marriage to Lauren would always be a time in my life I'm not proud of – but at the same time, I promise I won't ever let it get in the way of our future. When I left that building, all I wanted was to get back to you as fast as I could."

I didn't know how he could be so perfect even when he thought he had screwed up so badly. He drew me in for another tight embrace, as if he were never going to let go. And I was so thankful Lauren had never succeeded in taking him away from me, not in her life and not with her death.

We lingered in the house for another hour – sharing a shower, making sandwiches, exchanging banters. When we headed back to APO, we were both refreshed and ready to deal with Sark.

I didn't know things could get worse.

A lot worse actually.

How much more twisted could our lives be when the only means to stop Anna was for me to dress up as Lauren Reed and go clubbing with Sark – I couldn't decide which part was more hideous. I could only imagine what must be going through Vaughn's mind as he watched me get dressed. Neither of us wanted to get into the topic of this necessary evil – and I just focused on getting this part over with.

Only Vaughn could maintain his sense of humor in that night club given the circumstances.

More frustration ensued after Anna freed Sark and we lost the signal of his tracker. While I blamed myself for not anticipating Anna's move, my only joy was to finally get out of that disguise. We now had to spend the night exhausting every lead to track down Sark and Anna. It was ridiculous that our mission took us to a city as romantic as Venice but Vaughn and I hardly got to see the outside. We did take a short stroll along the canal to clear our heads. Venice didn't seem to sleep at night, as we saw heaps of tourists riding along the water in awe of the beautiful scene.

"Syd, we'll come back – one day, just you and me." Michael Vaughn, the mind-reader, held my hand and said resolved.

"I'd take just Venice, California, as long as we get to relax. Not a fan of jet-lag anyway." I quipped and solicited a hearty laugh from Vaughn.

Going on this op with Vaughn meant we could make the best of the historic hotel room we stayed in – maybe it was somewhat of a glorified date after all. We had too much work and too little time to turn it into a night of passion – but I had developed quite an appreciation for how well we worked in tandem, it was actually fun to see us in action. Thankfully my father was able to secure intel about Anna & Sark's meet with Michele Gignon the next day. Vaughn was quick to coax me into taking a short rest after we finished prepping for the showdown. Like I said, one of the bonuses I enjoyed having Vaughn as my partner.

My adrenaline was coursing soon as we spotted Anna with Sark at the graveyard. I was determined not to let her get away this time. I didn't know why but Sark led me to her and I finally captured Anna after a vicious fight. Vaughn found me as I slapped the handcuffs on her. He had recovered the bomb. We accomplished our mission. And at last, we got Anna. It felt like the end of an era.

Once again, I was amazed by what Vaughn and I was able to do, together. As I stood there in his embrace, I couldn't fathom life without him by my side.

The only blemish to our mission was letting Sark escape – all things considered, we weren't too broken up about it. Vaughn tried to persuade me to stay behind in Venice for a few days (who wouldn't) but he also knew I was eager to get back to check on Nadia. He compromised by taking me to the patio café on Piazza San Marco before catching our flight. He was sure I wouldn't be able to resist the charm of authentic gelato. And he was right. I did feel a burden lifted now that we had Anna in custody and was able to enjoy my gelato treat and the little of Venice we got to see. Sitting on the patio, joking with Vaughn, almost made me feel normal – believing that we could leave the ghosts from our past behind as long as we keep looking forward toward the future he and I will build together…

When we got home, Vaughn volunteered to stay behind to take care of post-trip chores while I went to the hospital to see Nadia. Weiss had called to let us know that she had come out of her coma and seemed to be doing well.

I sure was relieved after my visit and was looking forward to spending the rest of the evening with Vaughn.

As I step inside, I see our dining table set for two – with candles lit and fresh flowers in the centre. My eyes widen in surprise.

"Hey, gorgeous." Vaughn is leaning against our bedroom door smiling handsomely at me.

"Flowers and candles?"

He walks over, kisses me like he hasn't seen me in a month, and says, "Dinner will be served, amore mio. Take a seat."

He pulls out the chair for me and I catch a glimpse of the note card on my place setting – "Welcome to Venice, CA" it reads.

"Oh, Vaughn…" He leans in for another kiss, "Stay, Sydney… I'm going to get our dinner from the oven."

He puts a plate of piping hot seafood risotto and another plate of butternut ravioli, along with a large bowl of Caesar salad on the table before pouring chardonnay into our glasses.

"Somebody has been busy while I was with Nadia." I tease though I'm impressed by his effort. "You didn't need to get into all this trouble. I'll be happy to grab In-and-Out burger with you."

"Since I couldn't talk you into staying in Venice, I figure I'd give you what you asked for so we could still have our glorified date – here in Venice, California. If you're up to it, we can go for a walk along the beach after dinner. I know it's not the canal with the gondolas, but I think starry night in LA can be pretty spectacular."

"Vaughn, if you did all this just to hear me say I love you, you could have saved yourself a lot of work." I look down while smiling ear to ear.

"Sydney, I know the last couple weeks have been more difficult than usual. I just want to spoil you a little." He says simply.

"Well, I'm gonna say it anyway. Vaughn, I love you. And in case I forget to tell you later – this is amazing! Yes the last couple weeks were hard but I got through them because you were with me. I really don't care where we go, as long as I get to come home to you." Life can be this simple, despite how complicated circumstances maybe.

He flashes a smile with delight upon hearing what I said. "Before our food gets cold, would you like to try the risotto or the ravioli first?"

Our decision to have Vaughn move in and make this our place – seriously one of the best we've ever made. It is satisfying to experience what sharing a life is like, literally…


	6. Stronger - Jack's POV

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** Jack came to a realization... Missing scenes S4 ep.9

******AN: **I really like Jack's character and always think there is a lot to his inner world. My first attempt at his POV - hope I do him justice... Feedback welcome.

**Stronger**

**[S4-09]**

**Part 4 - Lacking ~ Jack's POV**

I will admit – I'm seriously lacking in my judgement of relationships.

My observations are usually keen and my strategies superb – but not when it comes to my daughter.

If I were to be honest, I would say my feelings towards her relationship with Agent Vaughn are often conflicted.

Maybe it is because I wasn't as involved in her life during her previous relationships. We were rather estranged when she was with Noah, or Danny. I was fine with whoever she chose to be with as long as she seemed happy.

I met Agent Vaughn when I surgically inserted myself back into Sydney's life out of necessity. She made the horrendous decision to be a double agent for the CIA and I had no other way to keep her from harm.

Maybe I became competitive when I realized there was someone else equally vigilant in protecting her – and it came from an unlikely young agent named Michael Vaughn. I could see his dedication and devotion gradually returned with growing affection from my daughter. Their coupling was inevitable once the biggest hurdle was removed.

While he had my appreciation, perhaps even admiration at times, for his unwavering need to guarantee her safety, I was uneasy with her increasing emotional dependence on him.

In plain words, she was smitten – at a much deeper level than all her other relationships. The farther she falls, the higher the risk for her to get irreparably hurt if things don't work out. And I speak from personal experience.

My concern turned into reality during the last three years.

I was so despondent with her "death" that I didn't consider it important to enlist Vaughn's help when I first found out she actually wasn't dead. In hind sight, had I chosen differently, I might have saved my daughter a lot of agony.

While I blamed him for breaking Sydney's heart with his so-called marriage, I despised him, just as much as I had despised myself, for allowing his wife's manipulation.

I actually enjoyed seeing him squirm with rage and I wanted him to clean up his own mess. I made him stay the course and I encouraged him to eliminate Lauren, despite physical and emotional injuries. Part of me hoped that would vindicate my daughter. What I didn't expect was how much his affliction affected her – his suffering and his demons hurt her more than his short-lived marriage.

I told Sydney his wife's betrayal would haunt him for the rest of his life – as I would be quite an expert on the subject. It was intended as warning for her to stay away. I was proven wrong on both fronts. I marveled at how quickly he recovered – how quickly they recovered. Two unmistakably broken people that managed to mend each other and came out stronger.

I now see where I misconstrued. I erroneously thought the common denominator of a traitor wife would put Vaughn and I in the same camp, but I was only looking on the surface. The answer lies within - the deeper the love, the greater the betrayal. I would go out on a limp to say my feelings for Irina run much deeper than Vaughn's for his wife. On the other hand, what he shares with Sydney must have been much greater than what I had with her mother for they never seem to turn against each other no matter the circumstances.

Unlike my daughter, I do not see the need to shelter him from emotional torture. I had deduced that what we would gain from Sark justified the internal struggle Agent Vaughn might have to deal with.

I had to give him credit for being man enough to handle Sark's demand. As much as it was about retrieving the bomb, I knew he did it to give Sydney Anna. He had impressed me before with what he was willing to be up against, especially when it came to Sydney's well-being. Of course I anticipated my daughter's objection – but I did not think I would see the kind of anguish on her face when he agreed to the terms. It is as if their pasts have been fused and they have taken on each other's pain.

I only fully comprehend how much the situation weighed on her after Vaughn returned from taking Sark to see Lauren. She came searching for him when we were securing Sark in the interrogation room. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of how relieved she clearly was when he met her outside. Her desire for him and her need to keep him unharmed were apparent. Defying logic, they embraced instead of rejected each other despite everything that happened.

Had I known the effect Sark's farce had on my daughter, I might not be so quick to urge Agent Vaughn's compliance. I recognize that Sydney and Vaughn may have entered territories I'm unfamiliar with in a relationship. I will need to reassess the bearing of their bond going forward, if I'm truly concerned about my daughter's happiness rather than my control over situations.


	7. Tonight

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary: **The abyss of the unknown ... Missing scenes S4 ep.15

**AN: **Thank you to all the readers who are still out there - I was pleasantly surprised to know there is still interest in Alias stories and to see reviews of my fics. Speaking of which, now that I've started posting parts of 178 Nights (another WIP fic), there are a number of chapters in there that can be read as companions to this story. I will note those as they come up.

About this chapter - I believe the SV relationship has progressed significantly behind the scenes. 1) By now, they would have dealt with their issues from Season 3 and they have grown closer after everything. There are quite a number of things they would only tell each other, and no one else. Vaughn, aside from Jack, was the only person who knew the truth about Irina's "death". Sydney is the only one Vaughn lets in on his pursuit of his father (he told Weiss initially but not everything). Their bond is so strong that Syd would agree to plot against her father (and Sloane), even though Jack thought he could manipulate the situation. 2) The show never gave a definite timing of when Vaughn moved in with Sydney, but we know it happened during Season 4. The timeline of my stories believe it happened after they had their "talk" - I point this out as it forms part of the basis of this chapter. Hope you like this!

**Tonight  
[S4-15]**

**Sydney's POV**

I got a taste of how life was like for Vaughn when I was his double agent – except I couldn't even be on comms with him this time around.

Sitting at home, waiting for any kind of news, any hint of an update, is agonizing.

The sense of helplessness.

The fact that any outcomes are now out of my control.

Needless to say, I haven't been sleeping well. And I now have much greater appreciation of Vaughn's emotional investment and sacrifice as my handler.

The house seems colder, even with the fireplace on – our bed certainly does as I've gotten used to snuggling to the warmth of his body at night.

I can't believe it has only been a few days since he took off with the coil. Less than 2 days since Sloane gave me the ultimatum.

That phone call in the repair shop was unsettling. I was absolutely sure it was him and his silence was more than confirmation. Yet I had no clue what he was up to or what was going through his mind. I didn't mention Sloane's stipulation – I didn't think it would have mattered. I didn't think anything I said would have mattered.

I went home and made sure the overnight bag I had packed got everything he and I would need until we could figure out a longer term plan. Yes – if things go south, I would find him and we would disappear if necessary. I'd only hoped he would let me.

Am I crazy about this option? No – I would not choose to be on the run. But it sure beats the alternative – I had lived without him, for three hellish years, and I would die before I ever do that again.

So tonight is it. If he doesn't come back, I will be on the hunt tomorrow. Even if that means having to put aside the appalling discovery I just made regarding Sloane for the time being.

The last few days alone have given me a lot of time to ponder – and as I look back on the last six months, I marvel at how much we have grown in our relationship. We dealt with our past fears and hurts. We vowed to be completely honest and open with each other. We are sharing a house and a life together. And we put us on even more solid ground than before. This is why I'm hopeful that his quest will not pull us apart – that he'd find a way to include me wherever it leads. The only promise I needed from him before I agreed to our plan to retrieve the coil was that he would not keep me in the dark no matter where he had to go or what he had to get into.

_"So we have a plan B…"I know he's thinking the same._

_"Ok, Vaughn. Let's do it… but I need you to promise me something." I pause, "Wherever you go, whatever you need to do to find the truth, please don't keep me in the dark. Promise you'll find a way to let me know." I'm almost inaudible as I shudder at the thought of letting him go._

_"Syd, I know I'm asking for a lot. I promise you'll hear from me… and whatever I'm getting myself into, it isn't going to take me away from you for long. You're still what matters to me the most."_

I do understand what Vaughn has been going through. I had the same need in finding and knowing Irina Derevko, despite the ugliness of the truth. I still do – otherwise, I wouldn't have listened to Katya to decode the message from the music box. More than anything, I've wanted a mother, a real family. Though I have adjusted my expectation and accepted the fact that the family I aspire to have will have to be the one I build with Vaughn in our future. So if Vaughn's father is indeed still alive, it will rock his whole world – more reason why I need to be there for him, just as he had been for me when we found out about my mother's deceits.

I can see how troubling these latest developments have been for him. While he is just as loving and pleasant around me, he is getting visibly frustrated by all the questions we don't have answers for. I wasn't upset about his hesitance to share with me at the beginning. He made it clear when he told me about the journal that he wasn't trying to hide it from me. Things were so mind-boggling he didn't know what to think of or how to react to them. As we dove further into the mystery, I was clearly the only person he would trust. And under no circumstances would I betray that.

So here I wait… hoping against hope that I would have a sliver of news… and I hear the doorbell.

My heart skips a beat… as if I knew before I knew.

And here he is… my Vaughn.

"Hi" He seems a little defeated… and I'm getting worried.

"Hi" I hold back my desire to lunge into his arms – not knowing what has transpired in the last few days, I don't want to overwhelm him.

But seeing him stand right in front of me, unharmed, I can't help but go up to hug him, kissing the side of his head, savoring a brief moment of physical closeness.

I also understand he needs to tell me what happened.

"He's dead, Syd. My father." He pauses in between, as if he'd hoped otherwise.

"He's been dead all along… I think… You know I've… I've lived with his death for so long, I would have done anything just to see him again." A part of me wished Vaughn would find his father alive. To relive the truth he'd already known would be too much to bear. As he continues, pain is evident on his face – and my heart aches for him.

"But then I realized that my father, he would have never left my mom and me, not for anything."

"The man I knew could have never walked away from the people he loved."

"How did you know?" I'm curious how he reached his final conclusion.

"Because I couldn't either." I have wondered if he would overlook our relationship in search of what he wanted more than anything else. Those four words powerfully told me what was the one thing he would not give up no matter what he got dangled in front. Now I have to fight to keep from crying.

"It was Sloane. I should have seen it all along. I swear to God, Syd, I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch." His distaste of the hoax unambiguous.

"Come inside. There's something I have to tell you." So he won't have to feel alone in being played by that monster.

But first, my intuition tells me he is apprehensive about my feelings toward his "disappearance". Did he think when he risked everything to pursue his father he had given up his place in my life? That would explain why he rang the doorbell instead of using his key, why he stood outside the door until I asked him to come in.

So my news about Sloane can wait – I must let him know nothing has changed between us.

I pull on his hand to lead him straight to our bedroom so we would have privacy even if Nadia comes home. I peel off his jacket and sit him on our bed before kneeling down in front of him to look him in the eyes.

"Hey, I'm sorry to hear it was such a letdown. You don't need a lunatic to be pulling your strings and make you doubt everything you've known to be true about your father. I know how much that must have hurt." I grab onto his arm to convey my sincerity, "But you didn't let him shake you – you got to the bottom of it and you did the right thing. Vaughn, you have no idea how proud I'm of you."

"You sure, Syd?" He's searching my face and has slid down to be at eye level with me. "I was afraid I messed up again – madly chasing down those leads, going against the CIA, dragging you into all of this. I should have been able to see through it, I should have known." He rubs his hand against his temples before continuing, "Sydney, I'm sorry if I made you think I had put my need to find the truth ahead of us. I could have jeopardized everything we have." I hate to see him feeling so guilty.

"I was the one who encouraged you to keep looking, to find out what really happened. You never made me. I would have been disappointed if you'd hidden all this from me. It meant a lot when you said you didn't trust anyone but me. Even if our decision turns out to be a mistake, so be it – I'm fine with facing whatever consequences together."

He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear and says in disbelief, "You're incredible, Sydney." He pulls me in tightly and whispers, "I love you so much… I missed you so much…"

I gently kiss the side of his head again and finally let out the breath I have been holding the last several days. "I missed you too… thank God you're safe… I was so worried about you and I couldn't stand not being there for you. But we're gonna be ok, now that I have you back…" And I can feel the tears I have been fighting slowly fall.

He quickly releases me, cups my face and wipes my tears with his thumbs while pressing feather kisses on my lips. "I'm here now…"he murmurs as the fervor of his kisses intensifies, "and I'm not going anywhere…"

We smile knowingly at each other when we break apart – we've proven once again our love can withstand whatever may come our way.

Now that I've taken care of us, I need to tell him what I found out.

"Vaughn, there's something else... You're not the only one deceived by Sloane – I was just as gullible."

As I recount how Katya led me to the message encoded inside the music box and the bank records I traced back to Sloane to pay the assassin, Vaughn can hardly contain his anger. We both agree we need to bring my father into this right away and we arrange to meet him even though it is getting late at night.

Despite feeling disconcerted after our meeting, we are willing to let Dad take care of Sloane on his own first. When we get back to the house, Vaughn pulls out his key and opens the door quietly to not wake Nadia.

Once we sneak inside our bedroom, I wrap my arms around his neck and say, "Good to see you didn't lose your key. You know this place is still yours." I want to be sure he understands, in case I wasn't clear when we talked.

"Syd, about earlier – I didn't want to catch you off guard, and I didn't want to presume anything. Given how I just took off, you're allowed to have second thought."

"Don't be silly – you can't seriously believe we aren't tougher than that." I smile and start kissing him slowly while busying my hands to take off his clothes.

"What else do I need to know?" He asks suggestively.

"You will find out…" It's not a moment too soon to return our bed to its former glory.


	8. Guilty Pleasure

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary: **Simple things in life are often what matter...

**AN: **Sydney and Vaughn are often, just like you and me - when they aren't kicking asses. She is a woman in love, and she fancies the same things as the girl next door.

**Guilty Pleasure**

**[S4-19-20 (Post Ep 19, Pre Ep 20)]**

It has been weeks since our last dinner together, given the recent crisis with our fathers – first was my dad's radiation sickness, then we had to deal with Sloane Clone.

Sitting at our favorite bistro tonight, I almost tear up thinking my life is nearly perfect once again – despite the madness that still engulfs us on a daily basis.

What Vaughn and I share now, quite remarkably, is even deeper than what we had four years ago. I literally cannot get enough of him even though we live together and work at the same place. Waking up to his green eyes and coming home to his supple lips are simply, at the risk of sounding cliché, what make life worth living.

I also have Nadia. Finding and getting to know the sister I never knew I had is beyond rewarding. We're both strong-willed and independent, and yet we get along swimmingly. And how brilliant it is that she pairs up with Weiss, who is practically a brother to Vaughn and a more than dear friend to me?

Trouble is – the better my life seems to get, the higher probability for it to be snatched right out of my hands. I just hope I'd be able to hold on to the people I'm blessed with now.

"Are we going to the movie after?" Nadia asks in child-like wonder.

"I think we're gonna have a hard time agreeing on one. Eric doesn't…"

His phone rings just before I get the chance to chastise him.

"Sorry guys, rain-check on the movie. It was my brother that called. They don't expect my grandfather to last more than three days. I need to hop a plane to New York tonight."

Vaughn puts his hand on Eric's shoulder, "I can take you to the airport – call me when you're ready to leave."

While Nadia turns to give him a long hug, I want to make sure he is ok. "So sorry to hear, Eric – anything we can do?"

"Thanks guys – I guess just to cover for me at APO. I'm still in the middle of a few things Sloane has asked me to follow up on. I will call him en route to let him know."

"You got it. Don't worry about work, go spend time with your family."

... ...

I see Vaughn on his phone when I come out of our bathroom – who called this early in the morning?

He flips his phone close as he walks towards me to give me my morning kiss. "Weiss' grandfather died a few hours ago. I think he's calling Nadia now."

"Oh… at least he had a chance to spend a day with him. How's he?"

"He sounds okay – they'll have to finish making arrangement for the funeral. He'll send us the details later."

... ...

"Got Weiss' email?" Vaughn comes up to me as I leave Marshall's Op Tech room.

"The one with his grandfather's funeral details? Yeah." I pause as a thought enters my mind and I tell myself not to be presumptuous. So I tug on Vaughn's sleeve and lead him into the coffee room.

"You thinking about sending flowers to the funeral home?" I want to know how he wants to do this.

"Yeah we should… we can stop by the florist tonight."

"You want to send one arrangement from the both of us?" Here I'm fishing.

"Of course." He answers matter-of-factly without thinking. OKAY.

"What about Nadia? Should I check with her to see if she plans to send one on her own or to put her name with ours?"

"Sure – I'm fine either way."

... ...

"Hey, you ready? I think the florist closes at seven – hopefully we'll make it back."

"Nadia said she would send an arrangement on her own… Maybe they're getting serious." I lace my fingers absentmindedly with his as we walk out of APO.

Good thing I convinced Vaughn this morning to take the Metro to work – now we don't need to worry about fighting traffic back.

We walk into our neighbourhood florist 20 minutes before closing and quickly decide on the arrangement to send.

"If you can fill out the names to go on the card, I'll make sure they get attached to the flowers." The store owner clarifies her instructions as I begin putting down information for our order.

_To: Eric and family_

_From: Michael and Sydney_

And my pen lingers a couple seconds for me to savour the moment.

Why am I feeling an odd sense of guilty pleasure? I suppose sending flowers as "Michael and Sydney" carries a certain significance … albeit for a funeral.

I couldn't help my lips turning up a faint smile as I finish the order form. Vaughn has already paid for our purchase and is looking at me exquisitely.

We decide to take a leisurely stroll home as we leave the flower shop, maybe stopping at the corner market to pick up a few items to whip up a quick dinner.

"What was that all about, Sydney? You seem pleased in there." He implores while we walk hand in hand.

Suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious, I look down to focus on the ground as I answer softly. "You're going to make fun of me if I tell you."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He encourages.

"It's nothing really. You'd think it's silly but it feels nice to write down Michael and Sydney for the card."

He stops us in our track, lifts his free hand to brush the side of my face and gazes at me longingly. "Not a bit, Syd. I love it too. When I was married, Lauren took care of those details – something she's accustomed to doing, being the senator's daughter. To me they were just formalities – I never thought twice about them." He places a soft kiss on my lips, as if reassuring me the mention of her name has long been benign. "When you asked me earlier today, it just felt like the most natural thing to do. Until we got inside the shop and I saw what you wrote, I realize how much I love seeing our names together. The smallest thing matters to me nowadays, if it has to do with us."

I'm 32 but I smile like a shy school girl upon hearing what he just said. "I think we are pretty great." And he takes that as my permission for him to cup my face and kiss me fervently on a sidewalk filled with onlookers in the early sunset hours...


	9. Coming to America - Nadia's POV

**Author:** Bookworm  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Summary:** Sydney and Vaughn ... through the eyes of Nadia

**AN: **Some of you, like me, are curious about Nadia's observations. Even more than Sydney, Nadia has been searching for a sense of belonging - her family. Romantic love seems secondary to her. It is in this light that I'm intrigued to explore what she gets and not get about the Sdy-Vaughn relationship.

.

**Coming To America**

**Nadia's POV**

**[S4 up to Ep 21]**

I remember watching the movie "Coming to America" years ago and wondered what it would be like to live there. I imagined big houses, fast cars, trendy clothes, loud parties – in a word, Hollywood. It became some kind of fantasy escape, from my life in Argentina – where I had no family, few friends and not many opportunities.

Fast forward 15 years.

I had no idea I would be putting down roots in the USA – with a father, a sister and a new boyfriend.

Life certainly can surprise you. Sometimes wonderfully.

Mind you, the road that led me here has not been easy.

Given his history and his obsession, reconnecting with my father has been the most frightening and yet the most delightful at the same time. Whenever I started to feel at ease opening up to him, he would do something that made me question his motive. Every time I was ready to give up on our relationship, he found ways to show me I was his first priority.

What complicates matters is my dad's tenuous relationship with Sydney.

Words don't adequately describe how incredible it is to actually have a sister. Even though I grew up in an orphanage full of girls, I wasn't particularly close to any of them except Sophia. Perhaps we all understood too well the temporary nature of that "home" and we kept enough distance with each other to spare ourselves separation agony.

On the contrary, my connection with Sydney was almost instant. I knew I could trust her the day we met in that Chechen camp. I was overwhelmed when she convinced me how much she wanted us to be family by asking me to stay at her home.

We bonded quickly but I sensed that the topics of our fathers were somewhat off limit. I could respect her apprehension, though I thought she would have reconciled her past – since she seemed to be in a good place again in her life. I was shocked to see her strong reaction when she found my father in her living room after her mission to Russia. I shuddered at the contempt I saw in her eyes when she warned me not to trust Sloane – and I was torn between wanting to connect with my dad and trying to avoid letting him drive a rift with my sister.

I was relieved when she told me at target practice the next day she understood my need to know my father. My guess was she had a talk with Vaughn about Sloane after he came home that night. I could hear muffled conversation when I walked past their closed bedroom and knew they had stayed up.

Vaughn always seems to have a calming effect on Sydney. Even with the relatively short time I had to observe, I could see the depth of their relationship. That only baffled me more why my sister wasn't able to forgive my father for what he did to her. So I took advantage of our long flight to Estonia to probe.

_"Sydney, can I ask you something? I hope you don't mind…" I see my sister taking a break from her mission prep._

_"I'm all yours, Nadia. What do you want to talk about?"_

_"How are things with Vaughn? Now that he's moved in with you… Tell me it's none of my business if you don't want to talk about it. It's just … I don't know how it's like to be in that deep a relationship with someone." I tread carefully with such personal questions._

_Sydney pauses to gather her thought – luckily she doesn't seem offended by my asking._

_"Vaughn and I…" she begins pensively, "it feels like we've known each other forever. In reality, we have spent more time apart than we have together. And yet we both can't imagine life without the other person. If our past teaches us anything at all, it's that there are so many things we can't control and it will be ridiculous not to make the most of what we have now. It just feels right."_

_"I can tell how happy he makes you. It must be hard to find someone like that." I am not a hopeless romantic but I do believe there are pairings who are meant to be._

_"What's most special about Vaughn is that he's the only person who sees the worst in me, around me, about me – and he still wants to be with me, nothing seems to faze him. You may soon get a taste of that, the more you get to know me." Sydney smiles at me half-jokingly._

_"I think it's more likely I will scare you first." I retort, smiling back at her. "So Sydney, help me understand why you're still so angry at my father. Please."_

_She swallows looking down before facing me again, "I understand why you're puzzled." She lets out a soft sigh. "Yes, Sloane took my fiancé and then I met the man I love more than life itself as a result. But I cannot forget or forgive the fact that Danny, a truly wonderful person, died because Sloane had him killed to protect his evil schemes. He died because I trusted Sloane, only to find out he would stop at nothing to go after what he wanted – and I hated myself for it." She stops for a second. "Do I need to go on about Francine, who was my best friend and another decent, loving human being? Not to mention what he did to my friend Will and to Dixon." Sydney's disdain is apparent now but she is keeping her cool to not have me think she's angry at me._

_I get quiet feeling selfish about wanting my sister to give my father a second chance._

_"But Nadia," Sydney's expression softens, "I promise I won't stand in your way again whatever you want to do with your father. I don't see Sloane when I look at you – I see my sister."_

_"Thank you, Sydney – you have no idea how much this means to me." I'm beyond moved by how far she's willing to go to accept me._

_"Dixon talked to me and it helped a bit. But when Vaughn asked me what I wanted to do about Sloane, I remember what he has done and is still doing for me." Sydney lets out another sigh. "You should know, Nadia – what our mother did to his father, to his family … is simply unforgivable. And he had lived with that for years when we met. I wouldn't blame him if he wanted nothing to do with me ever again when we found out who my mother really was and the crimes she committed. But he completely surprised me. Instead of shutting me out, he made sure he was there to protect me, to give me his shoulder to cry on. Unlike my dad, he never discourages me from getting to know her. He was even willing to keep an open mind about interacting with her, for my sake. I'm sure it tore him up inside – seeing her, working with her every day. But I've come to accept that's his special gift to me. And I want to also give that special gift to you. Because that's what you do for the people you love."_

_"Sydney, you're lucky to have Vaughn in your life – and I'm lucky to have you."_

_"He's definitely much more than just a pretty face." We burst into laughter as Sydney clearly wants to lighten the mood._

I can imagine why my sister is head over heels with Vaughn. He always puts her first – there isn't anything he wouldn't do for her. But I think the same is true for Sydney – she's willing to do anything when it comes to Vaughn. He is the only person she fully confides in, and there seems to be no secrets between them.

In hindsight, it was rather apparent that they had been secretly investigating his father's journal on their own, which eventually led us to uncover Sloane Clone.

He wasn't at all surprised when we found out she deviated from the plan to not let my father go after Drake alone. They must have plotted in advance for him to covertly arrange her transportation to rendezvous with my dad.

He also knew the truth about Irina's "death" as he discretely steered me away from wasting time on Bishop.

Their implicit trust in each other has been part and parcel of their attraction since the beginning. Eric told me he had learned long ago that there were things the two of them would decide to keep from everyone else but one another. I find that mind-blowing.

Growing up in an orphanage made me self-reliant. Being recruited into intelligence, and later finding out the betrayal of my mentor, only reinforced my belief to trust no one. Deep down, however, I couldn't dull the yearning to belong – to finally put down my guard and start trusting others. I want nothing more than something that is simple but pure, untainted by the evil I've encountered so often in my world.

I think that is why I fell for Eric. His life outside of APO is uncomplicated. His charm is childlike and he has such a great sense of humor. He is unpretentious and never tries to be someone he isn't. And he's carefree, content to live in the moment. I feel safe and relaxed being with him. Not to mention how he always manages to treat me like a princess. It feels good to be spoiled sometimes. Sydney tells me he keeps on gushing about how great I am in front of others.

I realize I missed being able to talk to him, laugh with him when we discovered Sophia's true identity last week and my world was falling apart. He was away for his grandfather's funeral. Sydney left for Cannes and my father soon joined her to go after Lazlo Drake. For the first time in my life, I didn't like the feeling of being all alone. That was when I learned how important those around me had become. I might not have shown it outwardly but I was appreciative of Vaughn looking out for me when I had no one else to turn to. He was like a perfect brother-in-law. He brought food to the house after work and struck up conversations during our meals. I actually learned a few interesting things about my sister, as well as Eric, over the couple dinners we shared. He would then go stay at Weiss' to give me space the rest of the evening.

Learning my dad has decided to join Elena was my undoing – but nothing prepared me for Dixon's revelation that my mother might be alive. I feel like my heart is constantly in my throat ever since I heard the news. I'm not naïve – I know if we find Irina Derevko, my life will become that much more complex. At the same time, I couldn't help but think how amazing it would also be to finally meet her, despite who she is or what she has done.

So here I'm today – on a plane across from Jack Bristow, with confirmation from Lucien Nisard that the woman I have only been able to dream about all these years is in fact not dead.

Less than nine months after coming to America, I seem to have found everything I've been searching for all my life. My family – my father, my mother, my sister. And a man who makes me happy.

They may be dubious, they may be ugly and they're definitely not fairy tale – but they are mine. And for that I'm thankful.

If there is one thing I learn watching Sydney and Vaughn is that they are perfect together – even though life is rarely perfect for them. I take comfort in believing that my family will be perfect for me, even if we did not start out with ideal circumstances.


End file.
